That Time I Cried at Zenergy

I've been doing ClassPass for a few months now (if anyone is interested in trying it out, this is my referral link: http://class.ps/m0I5q). I did a few classes at Barre Code Shadyside before taking a class at Zenergy Pittsburgh. I had been to cycle classes at LA Fitness (before leaving that gym because one of their trainers is a total dick jagoff which is a story for later), but I hadn't done anything like this before.

I am usually more of a yoga girl (shout out to my regular studio Yoga Love). I decided to go with something a bit more high energy to try to distract myself from some of my work stress.

Zenergy mixes in some of the yoga mindset with a rave-like atmosphere. I have reached the point where I can do the warm up without looking like a total moron. But, as a great theater professor liked to tell us, don't be afraid to make an ass of yourself!

Let's get to the point where I cried yesterday.

I had a super shitty work day yesterday. Like, the kind of day where I almost went to cry in the Olive Garden parking lot. I knew that I had the class after work, so I was looking forward to shutting my brain off and riding.

During a few minutes of just riding in the dark, the instructors like to give some inspirational monologues.

Yesterday Josh's point was that we either came to class because we had a great or a bad day. And that one of the reasons we come to class is that we have another day on this Earth.

It's coming up on the 10 year anniversary of my father's death. I have been thinking about things like having another day on this Earth a lot recently.

So to be in a class after a bad day and hear the instructor talk about how we are all happy to have another day really got to me.

I cried.

It's always an experience to be reminded of the fact that we aren't guaranteed another day or another minute or another second. We choose what we do with each day, and it's never too late to reset how the day is going.

So I for sure cried during a fun workout class. And I will probably do it again.

(PS: I know this post seemed super like an ad, but I just wanted to give people info. None of the links above sponsored anything!)

Almost Time to Travel

I leave for Rome on Friday! It's incredibly surreal.

Movement Class trip to France!

I never thought I would be at a point in my life where I would be doing something like visiting Rome. I didn't even get on a place until college! I don't think I had even left the Eastern Time Zone until then.

I didn't fly until post 9/11. To me, you have always had to have less than 3.4 ounces of liquids in a plastic bag, take off your shoes, and not be able to go with someone to their gate if you aren't flying with them. So...I don't really have good old days of aviation.

Not traveling definitely doesn't seem like it fits with who I am now. I'm constantly traveling and traveling alone a lot of the time. Less than a month after our Rome trip, we are going to NYC to see Baroness play. After that? I might be going to Seattle.

When I'm debating if I should travel or go somewhere or not, I think about my dad. How I'm sure that he thought there would be time to travel or staycation (side note: for some reason, I imagine him hating the word "staycation").

Sometimes there isn't.

Any opportunity to travel, I take it. I've been to Hawaii, San Diego, Seattle, NYC, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Chicago, Virginia, and more. I will continue to travel as often as I can for as long as it is an option.

Because one day, it won't be.

Doing 2018 Resolutions in 2019

Is there anything more accurate about resolutions that totally ignoring them for an entire year?

My post about my 2018 resolutions didn't turn out exactly as planned. By that, I mean I didn't do any of those things.

I finally went to yoga! Even though (as I said in my last post) not doing something for a while makes you want to continue not to do it, I decided tonight was the night to go back to Yoga Love. I thought that candlelight yoga would take it easy on us. I was wrong.

I hadn't gone in a while because I have been having issues with my shoulder hurting. I went in tonight thinking that I would try and see how it went. Caleb said "listen to my body," but if there's one thing I hate it's listening to anything. As of right now, my shoulder feels really good. There was only one thing tonight I couldn't do (that thing where you do lower crunches with your legs in the air - wasn't happening). If it turns out that all I needed to do for my shoulder to feel better was go back to yoga, I'm going to be so pissed.

As soon as we got started, the instructor said "We are going to go into Crow!" And I was like "Fuck. I haven't been to yoga in a year, and we are starting with an arm balance. Ok." Before we got to Crow, we could try Side Crow. I decided to just try it because if I fall, whatever. I could do Side Crow to my right but not as great my life which is exactly how it was the last time I went to yoga.

As we got closer and closer to Crow, I got more and more nervous. As usual, I was being super dramatic about it and was thinking about how if I couldn't get close to Crow I was going to totally embarrass myself. As usual.

So we finally get to Crow. I'm not a huge fan of using the block to put your head on while attempting to get into the pose. I know some people like it because they don't feel like they are going to faceplant, but I feel like the block is going to move and I'm def going to break my nose.

It wasn't a great Crow. My arms were sort of shaking, my feet weren't high up enough off the ground, and I'm pretty sure I was breathing in a not zen way.

But I did.

And isn't that sort of the summary of resolutions? It's about doing things you want to do while also realizing that no one is perfect.

I've already solved one of my 2018 resolutions: my office moved to Greentree, and it's def not a place I can bike to from Shadyside! One down, five to go. I will definitely get to two new cities in 2019 - Team Wackhaus is going to Rome!

When not having done something in a while makes you not want to do it

I was thinking about how I hadn't blogged in a while. So I went to the main page to see when I last posted. Oh, 9/28. That was a few minutes ago.

Then I start thinking about how it has definitely been too long since I posted for me to even think about posing something again. If you haven't posted in so long, what can you even do to start back up again?

I'm also having this with yoga. I haven't been to yoga in forever, and I'm not going to look into how long that has been because I'm not okay with it. I have so many excuses about why I'm not going. A big one is that I haven't gone in so long.

Duolingo as well. I was doing moderately okay at Italian, but I had one bad day which made me take a few off. Since I took a few days off, I have been like "Oh well, it's been too long so I guess we don't do that anymore."

What is it about not doing something that almost feels like it gives you permission to not do it?

I am going to try not to do this anymore. Doing one blog post today will make me do one next week. I'll work on the other two later...

What do we do?

This week has been emotionally exhausting.

There was the momentary high of Bill Cosby being convicted in a court of law of being a sexually violent predator. News sites were calling him the first conviction of the #MeToo movement.

That hope was short lived.

The Kavanaugh hearing.

The fucking Kavanaugh hearing.

The hearing itself is a goddamn tragedy. As if there was any doubt, Republican men have proved that it isn't they don't believe women - they just don't give a shit.

Oh, he didn't write running a train on drugged girls in his calendar! It clearly didn't happen!

I want whatever drugs you assholes are on. I probably need them to survive this.

Women are telling their stories in public and on social media. The bravery coming from this shitstorm is inspiring.

It's so hard to hear the stories.

It wasn't super obvious, but my last post was about going out again after being drugged.

What's awful is that I tell my story and over half the time the reply from other women is their own story. The stories are almost always told lightly - almost apologetically. Oh I was out drinking and this happened. Oh I was at a party and this happened. As if there is any excuse for this happening.

I don't doubt anyone who tells their story later. I don't doubt the victims of the Catholic conspiracy. I don't doubt the victims of Kava-fucking-naugh. Coming forward is not an easy task.

Personally, I have no hope on this. I think Kavanaugh will be confirmed. I don't think the House or the Senate will go blue. I think Trump will win again in 2020.

What do we do?

We protest. We fight. We vote. We speak. The world may go to shit, but I won't participate.

I am not throwing away my shot.

Back in the Game

So...after a rough time at Milano's after Panic! At the Disco, I'm back to going out alone.

I'm incredibly nervous about being out alone, but what else can I do?

Am I going to sit at home alone?

I mean, that is technically a valid and understandable option. It might even be considered the rational choice.

I'm not really about rational.

So, here I am at Cappy's alone. I can't let one bad situation confine me to my condo.

As usual, I don't have a solution or a final word. I just have living.

When "Gay Marriage" Became "Marriage"

It's only been 3 years since the landmark the Obergefell v. Hodges decision. The year SCOTUS shocked everyone by being on the right side of history (even with a bunch of jags on the bench - soon to be more).

This wasn't the first fight for Jim Obergefell. He fought in Ohio. Can you imagine being in a courtroom and listening to people talk about how marriages between cousins or minors that would be illegal in Ohio are recognized if they were legal in the place they were conducted and someone telling you that yours isn't?

Other decisions led up to this. United States v Windsor for example. Edie Windsor was a boss bitch. She was everything the Right hates. A Jewish lesbian in the tech industry. I would love it if I could a tenth as badass as she was. (Side note: it's kind of funny in an awful way that they are referred to as "the Right" when they are very in the wrong about a lot of things, and I am "the Left" which has traditionally been used to talk about things that are wrong.)

I remember being home sick from work that day. I was lying in bed waiting for the decision to happen. I was ready for it either go back to the lower courts or for a ruling against it. When you are on the right side of history, you have to be ready for some defeats. You always prepare a gracious way to lose and a plan on how to win the next one.

Then we didn't lose.


I cried. A lot. America was finally on the right side of history.

In an sort of poetic way there was the anniversary of another landmark decision that changed the nation.

The Obergefell v. Hodges case came almost 48 years to the day after Loving v. Virginia.

There are people alive today who grew up with interracial marriage and gay marriage as illegal. There are people who still believe they should be. We are on a dangerous and terrifying backslide right now. America is moving towards the wrong side of history. Again.

No matter how defeated or powerless we feel, we can't let hate win. We can't stand by while a loud minority of hateful people try to turn back the tide of progress.

History has its eyes on us. Let's try not to disappoint the future. Or the past.