The Kevin Spacey "Apology"

We live in a world in which Buzzfeed has breaking news.

It is possible to release a statement in which you do everything wrong? If so, I think this is it.  If you haven't read the Kevin Spacey what he calls an apology, take a minute to read it over on NPR.

Things he did right: said something nice about Anthony Rapp (who is amazing even if he was with the bad guys in Twister). Maybe that was right? Or does that make it more creepy?

Things he did wrong: everything else.

1. Late night Twitter. Did he go to the Cheetoh in Chief School of Tweeting?! Twitter apologies at midnight probably aren't the best way to get your message across. It makes it look haphazard and disingenuous. Also not the top venue for actual apologies.

2. Doesn't take any blame. He stated it like he was reading the story for the first time with the rest of us. If he had a serious problem with alcohol, he might not remember what he did. That doesn't mean that he isn't accountable for it. "What would have been deeply inappropriate drunken behavior"and "But if I did behave then as he describes" are gross deflection.

3. Apologies for Anthony Rapp's feelings. This is a trademark of bad apologies. I'm no stranger to bad apologies - honestly, I'm an expert. He's sorry Anthony feels that way. Kevin is doing a "mistakes were made." He's sorry for the feelings but not sorry for the sexual advance on a 14 year old?

You know it, Gregory.

4. Coming out in your public apology. Dude, way to softball this to the anti-gay crowd. You "choose" to live as a gay man. Really? You couldn't think of any other way to phrase that? Maybe not Tweeting at midnight would have helped. And in your apology for a sexual advance on a 14 year old? How many times have people said that gay men are pedophiles? RHETORICAL!

5. Erasing bisexual identity. This is nowhere near as bad as the rest of the things he said in this "apology," but it does come into account. Inside and outside of the LGBT community people say that bisexuals don't exist. That we're greedy or it's a layover on the train to GayTown. While there is no reason on Earth, Heaven, or Hell for him to use his apology for this to come out, he did so by making it seem like there was a choice between straight or gay. Again, not that this should have been the same Tweet, but not using the word "choose" would have been a great start.

Is there a way for Kevin Spacey to come back from this? The public lets celebrities get away with this all the time (Big Ben anyone?). Trying to distract from the sexual advance with a coming out story didn't work quite the way I think he planned it. We are all still paying attention to the first paragraph.

We live in a world where people are being held accountable. Let's see what Kevin does next.

Women's. Pockets.

I have a lot of strong opinions about things that don't seem that vital.

Examples: people who don't have any spatial awareness, those who don't look at themselves in every reflective surface, and people who abuse return policies (to name a few).

Bag policies and the sitch with women's pockets is goddamn vital.

We were going to attend the Ministry/Death Grips show on Saturday at Stage AE. I checked their bag policy beforehand. The FB page said that they used the NFL rules. Okay. Fine.

I used the wristlet that I took to a Steelers game at Heinz Field on 10/8/17. It's a lovely pink Coach wristlet that can fit my keys, cards, and phone. Spoiler alert: this matters.

I wait in line with Caleb, and when I get to the part of the line where ladies go to their own, the security guard immediately says "You're bag is too big." Oh, okay. I say that I took it to a Steelers game, and this lady pulls out an index card labeled like it's a bag and says "Does it look like it matches this?!" Ok, okay. Again.

Aside from the fact that her index card of shame wasn't even the correct size, she was nasty to me.

We had won the tickets at a Planned Parenthood fundraiser, so it wasn't the money. I offered to put my purse in the bushes and pick it up later, but Caleb wasn't having that. So we ended up having a lovely evening at Southern Tier.

Me after not getting into a show

But I started thinking.

How incredibly sexist are bag policies?

Women's clothing doesn't have fucking pockets. It's an epidemic of lack of pockets. If you compliment a lady on her outfit and it has pockets, that is literally the first thing she will say. I have two sundresses and a romper with pockets. If someone says "nice dress!" my immediate reply is to beam and say "IT HAS POCKETS!" like it's some kind of miracle.

I buy my work pants from the children's section at Target. (It's cheaper, and I get brighter colors. If I'm going to dress like a drunk 12 year old, I might as well shop in the same space). Even those pants barely have pockets! The front pockets are fake. Which is even worse than none in my option.

I sort of got off track there. Pockets for women is a hot button issue for me.

Back to bag policies.

My picture wristlet is apparently too big for Stage AE. Where exactly am I supposed to keep my things? Please enlighten me.

It isn't about me buying impractical clothing (although Quetzy knows I do). Those are jeans from a normal retail store, and they only have back pockets. These back pockets are only phone size deep. They aren't like the cavernous pockets men's pants can have. Fitting a phone in a pocket is an event.

Am I supposed to put my keys, phone, cards, and cash into pockets that barely fit a Samsung?

Am I supposed to leave any of those things behind?

It isn't like we aren't buying clothes with pockets. Every woman I know clings to the brand with pockets. I bought 4 pairs of shorts because I could put my phone in a front pocket. I would probably kill a stranger to have consistent access to pockets (hell, depending on the fit I might kill someone I know).

Bag policies put women at a direct disadvantage. They target women. We don't really have options about this.

Bag policies are sexist.

#metoo - the beginning and middle

The #metoo social media movement made me think. So many people I know posted about it, and people who could have but chose not to.

There are people who don't understand it. Who either don't think it is a problem or who don't think these individual occurrences should affect women the way they do. Or that women are making something out of nothing.

It's not about the individual instances. It's the sum of what has been happening our entire lives.

It's being an underclassman in high school at a cast party, and guys telling you that you should be dancing on a table because you are wearing a thong.

It's being a senior on a trip to NYC, getting cornered by for guys on the ferry to Ellis Island, and only getting away because a male classmate went looking for you.

It's walking downtown at night with a guy friend and a group telling "Someone's getting lucky tonight!!" with a whistle.

It's being at the grocery store and an employee following you for a while in order to ask if you've got a man.

It's a guy slowing down his car next to you and saying "can I go where you're going" while you are walking to yoga.

It's the guy on the back steps of the pizza place yelling at you about how great you look and does it really matter if you have a boyfriend. And then him continuing to do it for a year.

It's a guy grabbing your ass in a crowded bar and wondering why you didn't take it as a compliment.

It's being cornered alone in a Porta Potty by someone you just met while at a concert.

It's knowing that it will happen again.

All of these added together are the sum of our experience. The above are just the examples I thought of while writing this. I'm sure there will be more that I remember.

#metoo brought about more awareness, but where do we go from here?

What to even say about the Vegas terror attacks?

I started and deleted a few posts about this.

I don't even know what to say anymore.

A homegrown white male terrorist fired into a country music festival, killed 58, and wounded 427 (those were the counts when I got home from work today). There are reports he was firing at some kind of tank to try to cause more death.

When are people going to act?

I'm so goddamn sick of people asking what can we do to stop this. The obvious answer is to pass some sensible fucking gun laws.

But we won't do that.

Instead, people will send thoughts and prayers, change their profile pictures, and use hashtags. I know I do all those things (except the prayers. I don't wanna lie to people!). But it isn't enough.

It's easy to fall into complacency. That we are all just waiting for the next tragedy. We couldn't change gun laws after a terrorist shot up a school! Why even bother trying?

The only thing we can do is try. Call our government when they support the NRA. Call out people who say stupid shit. Call these people terrorists because that is what they are.

Obviously not everyone who owns a firearm is irresponsible. I live in Western PA - people love their guns. Even I have fired one! But I would never own one. I couldn't be trusted to be safe with one.

What happened in Vegas is a tragedy. A terrorist went after innocent people. We shouldn't let it happen again. But we will.