When not having done something in a while makes you not want to do it

I was thinking about how I hadn't blogged in a while. So I went to the main page to see when I last posted. Oh, 9/28. That was a few minutes ago.

Then I start thinking about how it has definitely been too long since I posted for me to even think about posing something again. If you haven't posted in so long, what can you even do to start back up again?

I'm also having this with yoga. I haven't been to yoga in forever, and I'm not going to look into how long that has been because I'm not okay with it. I have so many excuses about why I'm not going. A big one is that I haven't gone in so long.

Duolingo as well. I was doing moderately okay at Italian, but I had one bad day which made me take a few off. Since I took a few days off, I have been like "Oh well, it's been too long so I guess we don't do that anymore."

What is it about not doing something that almost feels like it gives you permission to not do it?

I am going to try not to do this anymore. Doing one blog post today will make me do one next week. I'll work on the other two later...

What do we do?

This week has been emotionally exhausting.

There was the momentary high of Bill Cosby being convicted in a court of law of being a sexually violent predator. News sites were calling him the first conviction of the #MeToo movement.

That hope was short lived.

The Kavanaugh hearing.

The fucking Kavanaugh hearing.

The hearing itself is a goddamn tragedy. As if there was any doubt, Republican men have proved that it isn't they don't believe women - they just don't give a shit.

Oh, he didn't write running a train on drugged girls in his calendar! It clearly didn't happen!

I want whatever drugs you assholes are on. I probably need them to survive this.

Women are telling their stories in public and on social media. The bravery coming from this shitstorm is inspiring.

It's so hard to hear the stories.

It wasn't super obvious, but my last post was about going out again after being drugged.

What's awful is that I tell my story and over half the time the reply from other women is their own story. The stories are almost always told lightly - almost apologetically. Oh I was out drinking and this happened. Oh I was at a party and this happened. As if there is any excuse for this happening.

I don't doubt anyone who tells their story later. I don't doubt the victims of the Catholic conspiracy. I don't doubt the victims of Kava-fucking-naugh. Coming forward is not an easy task.

Personally, I have no hope on this. I think Kavanaugh will be confirmed. I don't think the House or the Senate will go blue. I think Trump will win again in 2020.

What do we do?

We protest. We fight. We vote. We speak. The world may go to shit, but I won't participate.

I am not throwing away my shot.

Back in the Game

So...after a rough time at Milano's after Panic! At the Disco, I'm back to going out alone.

I'm incredibly nervous about being out alone, but what else can I do?

Am I going to sit at home alone?

I mean, that is technically a valid and understandable option. It might even be considered the rational choice.

I'm not really about rational.

So, here I am at Cappy's alone. I can't let one bad situation confine me to my condo.

As usual, I don't have a solution or a final word. I just have living.

When "Gay Marriage" Became "Marriage"

It's only been 3 years since the landmark the Obergefell v. Hodges decision. The year SCOTUS shocked everyone by being on the right side of history (even with a bunch of jags on the bench - soon to be more).

This wasn't the first fight for Jim Obergefell. He fought in Ohio. Can you imagine being in a courtroom and listening to people talk about how marriages between cousins or minors that would be illegal in Ohio are recognized if they were legal in the place they were conducted and someone telling you that yours isn't?

Other decisions led up to this. United States v Windsor for example. Edie Windsor was a boss bitch. She was everything the Right hates. A Jewish lesbian in the tech industry. I would love it if I could a tenth as badass as she was. (Side note: it's kind of funny in an awful way that they are referred to as "the Right" when they are very in the wrong about a lot of things, and I am "the Left" which has traditionally been used to talk about things that are wrong.)

I remember being home sick from work that day. I was lying in bed waiting for the decision to happen. I was ready for it either go back to the lower courts or for a ruling against it. When you are on the right side of history, you have to be ready for some defeats. You always prepare a gracious way to lose and a plan on how to win the next one.

Then we didn't lose.


I cried. A lot. America was finally on the right side of history.

In an sort of poetic way there was the anniversary of another landmark decision that changed the nation.

The Obergefell v. Hodges case came almost 48 years to the day after Loving v. Virginia.

There are people alive today who grew up with interracial marriage and gay marriage as illegal. There are people who still believe they should be. We are on a dangerous and terrifying backslide right now. America is moving towards the wrong side of history. Again.

No matter how defeated or powerless we feel, we can't let hate win. We can't stand by while a loud minority of hateful people try to turn back the tide of progress.

History has its eyes on us. Let's try not to disappoint the future. Or the past.

 

Oh Roseanne

Girl, are we really going to blame Ambien for the racist Tweets?  (Special shout out to Sanofi US Twitter account for their reply of "racism is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication.")

I mean, points for originality. Most people go with a "oh, I didn't mean it like that" or "I expressed myself in a poor manner and thoroughly apologize." Generally people try to apologize (even if it is in a half assed way). Maybe they try to say that it was misinterpreted.

Not Roseanne.

She apologized for her Tweet not the thought behind it, and that is a key difference.

Roseanne didn't apologize for comparing Valerie Jarrett to an ape. She didn't apologize for the Muslim Brotherhood comments. She apologized for Tweeting and being caught in what she said. While "apologizing" for what she said, she showed us who she really is. We need to believe her.

Her rapid fire replies this morning were definitely from the Cheetoh in Chief school of Twitter. Tweet as fast you can as loud as you can and hope that people lose themselves in the frenzy and forget. Shockingly, it didn't happen this time. Roseanne's show was canceled even though it was number one.

https://bit.ly/2IXa9wW

Why would she think this Tweet of all of them would be the thing to bring down her sitcom? She dressed as  Nazi taking people shaped cookies out of an oven. I really don't care if it was supposed to be a satirical photoshoot - there's some stuff you don't do. Just not ever. I wouldn't dye my hair orange and wear a bulletproof vest in a movie theater. Some shit just isn't funny.

She called Susan Rice (the 24th National Security Advisor who was Rhodes Scholar) "a man with big swinging ape balls." Roseanne is a trash person who loves comparing people of color to apes. The producers of the show told us to separate her personal life from her character.

We do live in a world where the sorry ass excuse for a human got elected President even with a recording of him saying "grab them by the pussy." It makes sense that racists would think that they can get away with saying whatever they want. We don't have to live in that world anymore. We don't have to let them take over.

Is it about goddamn time we take back our country from people who openly express their racist, homophobic, and sexist ideas?

Another Week, Another Shooting

I read one of the many articles about the most recent shooting at Santa Fe High School (ten wounded, ten dead). One of them said that it was the worst mass shooting since Parkland. Parkland was three goddamn months ago. Calling it the worst shooting since Parkland means that there have been others. I think that the article I read said there have been 10 school related shootings since Valentine's Day. That's 10 other shootings in 3 months.

How are we okay with this? Because, as a nation, we clearly are.

Other nations aren't.

Australia is a fantastic example of this. In 1996, the Port Arthur Massacre happened. 35 people of all ages died. It was horrible. The Australian people were appalled. The difference between US and Australia? Austria fucking acted. The National Firearms Agreement was passed TWELVE days after the massacre. There was a huge problem that allowed this sort of mass shooting to take place, and they acted. Instead of people dying at school, at movie theaters, at concerts, at any other place imaginable, their government decided to make sure they did everything they could to make sure it couldn't happen again. Gun activists like to talk about how laws won't stop criminals from breaking the law. Fair point, but there was a shooting this year in Australia in which seven people died - this was the deadliest shooting since Port Arthur. That can't be a coincidence.

The Onion No Way to Prevent This article honestly sums it up. The same things happen over and over and over again. The news comes out that there was a shooting. We don't know how many people were hurt or died - then we find out it was a lot. Second amendment nutjobs show up on social media and talk about how guns aren't the problem, people are the problem.

They're right about one thing: people are the damn problem.

What have we done since Parkland? What will we do after Santa Fe?

We don't have to live like this. We don't have to die like this. But apparently we will.

Does Rent Hold Up?

I saw Rent twice while it was in Pittsburgh - the opening night on Tuesday and the second to the last show today. I have seen the show at least twice (possibly three times) before, and I have listened to the soundtrack more than was probably necessary for one person.

I saw it for the first time in high school. A friend's mother had gotten her tickets for her birthday, and she asked me to go with her. I remember my friend's mother sort of warning my mother about the content of Rent. After it was over, I remember thinking how amazing it was.

The whole idea of their lives was foreign to me back then. Like - how could people even live in NYC?! I had never been there, and it was worlds away. All I knew about AIDS was from the health class booklet we all had (I'm like 95% sure it had a blue cover). I didn't know any out gay people (and didn't even know bisexuality existed). Drag queens were something only in movies.

To me, Rent was exposure to real life.
Caleb, destroyer of all things fun, was bitching earlier this week about how all the characters are terrible people. Today was the first stage production he had seen, but he had seen the movie before. There is a giant difference between seeing Rent as a high school kid from a suburban area and seeing it as an actual adult person.

I think if I had seen Rent for the first time now, I would think of it entirely differently.

I have friends who live in NYC, and I have spent time wandering around by myself figuring out what to do (although I haven't been alone in the East Village - went to McSorley's with other people). I know a lot more about AIDS, and I have met people who are HIV+. (Side note: I wonder how different the show would be if PrEP existed back then - would just the intravenous drug users have AIDS?). I definitely know people on all parts of the LGBT spectrum. I've been in drag shows!

There were people much younger than me at the Tuesday performance. The one guy in front of me didn't seem to be enjoying it as much as the rest of us. He was kinda slumped over with his head on his hand. Honestly, it made it easier to see so whatever.

Part of the magic of Rent - for me anyway - was that it was a glimpse into lives that I couldn't even imagine. Does this show (can this show) hold up today?

I think it still stands up. There may be more of a nostalgia factor for the music, and it being the first time I encountered a lot of these ideas. There are obviously flaws in it, but does that really matter? Rent was one of the first times I really thought about their being other ways to live your life. There will always be a place for a show like that.