Mental Health in America

Since this most recent shooting was a white homegrown terrorist (unless another mass shooting happened since then which is totally possible), we finally get to pretend to talk about mental health treatment in America!

In an effort to distract from the fact that this jagoff had a weapon that shouldn't exist outside serious military engagements and video games, some Republicans have actually been bringing up mental health. It also distracts from how much money these assholes take from the NRA.

I haven't seen any actual suggestions or even a basic understanding of mental health treatment.

Let's talk about insurance! The Mental Health Parity Act was passed in 1996. This was to try to have insurance plans cover mental health on a more equal basis. Good, right? Nope.

There were originally three exemptions: no mental health coverage at all, businesses with less than 50 employees, or if you could document that there was more than a 1% increase in the cost of your plan due to the parity. Super. That definitely doesn't solve the problem.

In 2010, the Mental Health Parity and Addiction Equity Act was passed to deal with the loopholes in the prior act. Including the fact that substance addiction wasn't included. Are there still issues? Of course.

The government thought in 1998 that mental health was something we needed to deal with. And companies did all they could do to not cover it.

How many mass shooting do you think happened between 1998 and 2010? Wikipedia says 56.

What is on this list? Columbine. Virginia Tech. Fort Hood.

I am obviously not a mental health expert, but there was something wrong with these murderers.

In addition to the lack of insurance coverage, there is also the stigma around seeking help. People joke all the time about taking crazy pills or seeing a shrink. Like it isn't a good thing. Like getting help is something to be ashamed of.

It took me years to go see anyone. Years that I definitely should have been. Because I was afraid of what people would think. Because didn't think I had any "real" problems. Because medication isn't something strong people need to do.

There is nothing wrong with seeing a mental health professional. There is nothing wrong with going on medication. There is nothing wrong with trying to get and stay better.

Mental health treatment and stigma *is* a serious issue in America, but let's talk about it seriously and not as a distraction from our appalling lack of gun control.

Who Protests a Bar?!

I went to a Planned Parenthood fundraiser on Monday. It was the 45th anniversary of Roe v Wade. As usual, it was an excellent time! Allegheny Wine Mixer is a great location with lovely wine.

My friend and I took a Lyft over because I was being lazy and didn't want to walk. In my defense, it is 3.5 miles from my house to AWM if you walk it. Driving goes a different route because it's faster for a car. (Also, when did I decide that 3.5 miles was a totally walkable distance? I used to complain about walking the 0.8 miles to Market District!). The Lyft was faster than we thought, so we were standing outside for a bit.

There was this white SUV across the street, and a girl a bit younger than me stepped out of it. She was carrying a folding card table, a bag, and a few signs. The signs were hot pink which Planned Parenthood uses. My friend goes "oh, I think we are going the same place. We're going to the Planned Parenthood event." She says, "Oh, I'm actually against it." Whatever.

As she is setting up her table, she looks at the house. Her bag is sitting next to it - maybe like 15 feet from us. I'm horrible at judging distance. She looks at the SUV still across the street and then starts running down the block away from her stuff. Like, super booking it. I stared after her for a few seconds and then immediately thought I had to go inside. A PPWP protestor just put some shit down and ran away. Holy shit. Oh no. I've seen this episode of Law & Order. I went in the entryway to tell someone about it, but my friend said that she was on the way back. My friend said it didn't even occur to him that she was going to start something, but I'm kinda paranoid and always on the lookout. Especially at a Planned Parenthood event.

The girl sets up her table and some older guy joins her. They had signs about the uterus being a weapon free zone (with badly drawn pictures of medical equipment). I think they had one of those bowls of candy where they try to trick you into a Toostie Roll and then show you a picture of a fetus. There were also pamphlets which my friend took and I ignored her presence. It was a damn stack! It wasn't one flyer - there were four!!! As someone who has extensive tabling experience to the point where it basically one of majors in college, they need to edit.

We told the PPWP volunteers and employees that there were protestors outside and what they looked like. They knew who they were. There are always repeat customers.

The pamphlets were a lot. Not entirely well done either. Mostly about how atheists can be pro-choice, how birth control is racist, and something about babies. Side note: I saw the atheists for life at Pride in 2017, and I'm over it.

When we went to leave, my friend talked to the girl. She looked kinda terrified. He thinks he might have been the first person to actually speak to her all night. He told her what points were strong and which points were super weak. I stayed away. I'm sometimes not great at holding back.

Who protests a bar though?! There weren't live streams of abortions inside. There was wine and nice toasties and fun people. Tables were stocked with condoms and pins (those items were separate, please don't mix). Who were they trying to convert? If you knew about the event, you were a Planned Parenthood supporter. I wasn't going to show up, see some people with a stack of homework, and decide to change my fundamental beliefs.

Unless something actually happened in the bar, it isn't a great place to protest. There isn't anyone new to reach. They were outside AWM. They could have had a perimeter space or something. It was lazy and boring.

Seriously, who protests a bar?

Talking About Tough Issues

To my immense despair, Teen Vogue no longer exists in print. To make up for this periodical loss, they are going to send me Glamour until my subscription runs out. I was going to blog about Aziz Ansari, but thankfully an article in Glamour gave me something to write about until I get my thoughts together!

There was an article called "How to Discuss the Tough Stuff" which was about how to talk with people you love about things you disagree on. There were four different topics: immigration, voting for Trump, gender identity, and gun ownership.

The gender identity and gun ownership parts were really enlightening.

With gender identity it was about how people can be uncomfortable with what they don't understand. It was a mother and daughter. For some older people, the idea of different gender identities and sexualities can be confusing. Sometimes it's confusing to me, and I've spent a lot of time learning about people. I really felt like this mother and daughter connected and figured out how they would be able to relate to each other. It wasn't a case of either of them trying to hurt or ignore the other, it was just no idea on how to talk about anything.

I thought the gun ownership piece would be more upsetting. This was a father and daughter, and she  was expressing how her thoughts on gun ownership changed after she had children. Her father said that he thought about it after her children were born as well. They both seemed like people who wanted to promote responsible gun ownership and laws.

These were people I could talk to in real life.

The other two? Hell no.

When you talk about how immigrants need to assimilate because they're in America? This dude was an immigrant but says that he supports the stupid imaginary Wall because it isn't just keeping out Mexicans; it's also keeping out other people from Central America. His mother came and assimilated so they're not like other immigrants. Awful. I'm checking the hell out of the conversation

You talk about how the Cheetoh in Chief's Access Hollywood tapes made you not like him as a person, but you still voted for him because you like the Second Amendment? You are a bad person. The non-Trumper said "I've had people come up and ask me, 'Why are you friends with Bailey when she's Republican?' And I'm like 'She's a nice person and she's been there for me through a lot of stuff.'" I hate to tell her this, but her friend isn't a nice person. It's not that she's a Republican; it's that she voted for Trump. She heard that Access Hollywood tape and still thought this was someone she could vote because gun rights. That's bad, and she should feel bad.

If you believe in things that hurt people because of things they can't change, you're a deeply terrible person. It doesn't matter what you think about yourself, what you tell yourself when you look in the mirror or sit at church - when you hate people for what they are, you're not a good person. (I'm not talking about hating people for being jerks or being rude to service people - that is totally valid).

At that point, it isn't "talking about tough stuff," it's realizing that you might know some shitty people.

2018 Resolutions

Time to figure out what I want to do in 2018! Spoiler alert: some of them will be the same as 2017.

1. Do more yoga. Yoga keeps me calm. I need to do this more. Also, I need to stop giving myself weird injuries so I don't get off track!

2. Read 125 books again. I signed myself up for Kindle Unlimited, so I hope it won't be me cramming like 20 zombie books between Christmas and New Year's (as much fun as that is).

3. Start using my skateboard again (technically longboard I guess). I really like it when I do it, but I need to be consistent. Even if I just roll around the garage a few times a week, I will be exponentially better.

4. Figure out if I can bike commute to work. I haven't tried to bike over to the Island, but it seems really possible. Once the weather gets nicer, I'll give it a try on a weekend to see how long it takes.

5. Go to two cities I haven't been. There is so much of America/rest of the world I haven't seen. Instead of a generic "travel more," I'm giving myself a specific goal.

6. Try to stop being so anxious. Maybe it isn't necessary to constantly worry about whether or not people like me. Really don't need to go over conversations in my head after the fact to go over everything I said wrong. Probably don't need to talk so much in order to cover any kind of silence because quiet makes me think everyone hates me.

Nothing too crazy, but I don't think they have to be.

2017 Review!

So, I made a few resolutions in 2017. Not all of them went according to plan...

1. Blog more. I am super inconsistent. I will have a great streak and then nada. Need to do this more.
Okay, did well at this for a bit and then totally failed. I need to get my shit together.

2. Go to yoga more. Another thing I have been inconsistent with. Every time I go, I really feel good. I have gotten so much better I've the past year and a half, so I need to keep it up!
This one went well for a while then fell off (are we sensing a theme here?). I kept giving myself weird injuries so I couldn't go. I sprained my shoulder while trying to do stretches. Then I fell flat on my face while on a run and scraped up my knee and hand.

3. Do whatever I can to make sure that America doesn't go directly to hell. There will be a lot to do to resist the hatred that will increase, but inaction is its own evil.
This one went well! I donated to charities, volunteered my time, and wrote to my elected officials. Also voted in the local elections.

4. Read 125 books. Now, now all books are hundreds of pages. I read a bunch of short zombie books. Last year I made my goal of 100, so I moved it up.
I am literally doing this right now. I'm at 111, and I will be able to read short books between today and tomorrow. This one is a win.

5. Learn to knit. Been on my list for about three years.
Moving this one to 2018.

6. Get to goal weight. I am about six pounds away!
I made it to goal weight! It has definitely been harder to keep up while in an office. Random snacks, ordering lunches, not being able to walk around all the time - the usual office stuff. I got a standing desk (because I was ridiculously jealous when my coworker got one and immediately ordered one for myself).

7. Find a job. This is the most necessary of all of them. Even if it's the thing I want to do the least.
Checked this one off in April! The last day I worked in 2017 was December 22nd, but I'll be back at it in 2018. This has been going really well for me - I'm officially on our website as an Account Manager!!!

2017 went really well for me personally and professionally. My 30s have been awesome so far (I'm even still getting carded!).

Let's see how 2018 goes.

Survived Busy Season!!!

This is the worst time of year for anyone who works in insurance. When the ACA was upheld, groups were given the option to renew in December to keep their plans. So a *ton* of groups moved to December. Awesome. Nothing said "Happy Holidays" quite like being insanely busy and crying over spreadsheets (technically I only cried once this year... My story and I'm sticking to it!). It's like tax season for accountants.

 Honestly, if I never see another spreadsheet again in my life, it will be too soon. Spoiler alert: I will see one in than 12 hours.

They seem so easy.

Look at a quote and add numbers.

But somehow it isn't. The formatting is off. Then the numbers don't round. And how did I miss that all the copays are after the deductible?! Did I spell deductible right? How many times can I look at a word before I forget how to spell it? I literally don't know if I'm spelling Silver correctly. Does that say Silver or Sliver? Sliver plan sounds cooler anyway! I had to Google how to get an ampersand in the header (FYI, you put two of them in a row and Excel only shows one). WHY IS THIS TAB DEFAULTED TO BE 8 PAGES WIDE??

Also, I am generally in favor of the ACA. But individual rates make my eyes bleed. Groups under fifty (who didn't grandmother) have a rate for each age. It isn't too bad usually, but when the group is getting close to fifty, it is insane. This number limit doesn't include dependents by the way (although you only pay for 3 children under 20). So you can have a group with thirty employees but end up with seventy rates. I have literally had someone give me a correction and not be able to see what is wrong even when it is written down for me! 632 looks just like 682 when you're on chart number 45 of the season.

 I probably would have completely lost my damn mind if it wasn't for the people I worked with. It's so nice to have people you trust being able to help. And the fact that everyone asks if you need anything before they leave and it isn't just a weird courtesy is awesome. Plus, it's nice to have people who understand what is going on. I love Caleb, but I think his eyes glaze over when I complain about hard v soft mandatory generic. Which is 100% understandable.

We made it to the other side though. Everyone is still speaking to each other. During my sabbatical I missed last busy season, so I wasn't *quite* prepared for how it was going to turn out. I'll be ready for next busy season!

One year later...

Can I be both proud of and mad at voters at the same time?

Like, great job this year! Danica Roem beat Bob Marshall! Bill Peduto was re-elected! Outside of America, Australia's gay marriage survey by mail seems to be on the right side of history. Hate was generally defeated.

Where the fuck was this last year?

A year ago today, I was dealing with what seemed to be literally impossible. A racist, homophobic, misogynistic demagogue was elected to the highest office in the land. With zero experience. A woman with years of experience and goddamn human decency lost. I was on my sabbatical so at least I was able to deal with it with whiskey.

It's like everyone suffered from some temporary insanity. There is an entire Twitter account dedicated to showing tweets before and after the election. There are liberals who didn't vote because they wanted Bernie. I don't have great words to describe how I feel about that, but they aren't nice.

 American Horror Story: Cult has been doing such a phenomenal job of capturing what happened and unfortunately where we might be headed. Starting with some of our newly introduced characters voting for Jill Stein or not voting at all (I don't even know which is worse) to showing how easy it is for a situation to escalate beyond what you can control, it's like real life. I have relived the 2016 election and the aftermath so many times this season. I both love and hate it. I have to watch in slow motion the destruction of the American voting system.

While I'm proud that we started to bring our country back, I'm disgusted that we let it get there in the first place. In order to survive until the next Presidential election (maximum 3 more year), we need to take the advice of the great RuPaul: