Am I the Old Me or the New Me?

I haven't blogged in a while. I don't think I've really been feeling like myself.

Since I got back to work, I've sort of had almost a set routine. Caleb goes to Magic on Mondays, so I have the place to myself to eat Trader Joe-O's, drink wine, and watch random shows. Tuesdays we normally get adult things done. Wednesdays are with Amy and Andrew. Thursdays we go out a lot. On Fridays Caleb goes to Magic, and I again have the place to myself. Saturday morning is Farmer's Market then making food. Sunday is Game of Thrones!

It's all been different recently.

Caleb's been away for work for 2.5 weeks. Instead of meeting up with the people I usually hang out with, I've been to happy hours and parties with new people. Work has been crazy busy and is going to get busier. I don't feel like a total outsider there. I'm running on my lunch break.

It has been a complete and total change from my usual routine. I'm not sure if I haven't been feeling like myself or if this is who I am now.

I've felt almost outside myself at work since I started. Just recently have I started saying "we" when I talk about procedures or something like that. I was always saying "they." It's not like I'm with TJS anymore. I hadn't been there for a long time (and honestly, hadn't felt connected there in a long time). I spent the first few months waiting to be fired. Anytime something would go wrong, I assumed I'd be fired in the next day or so. I think I've finally calmed down after 5 months. It's weird feeling like part of a team again. Also, it's nice to have people say they value my opinion.

I love my friends, but meeting new people has been super fun. I went to a party where I didn't know anyone except whose house it was. I was super nervous because it was so far outside my comfort zone, but I had a great time! I met cool people that I don't think I would have met otherwise.

Running at lunch - seriously?! There was a point in my life where I said I wouldn't run unless something was chasing me. Honestly, probably not even then. Now I'm running around the island at lunch listening to podcasts. And I'm doing this on my own... of my own free will.

Is this who I am now - someone who runs and goes places where she doesn't know most people and actually fits in somewhat at a job? I'm not sure yet. I mean, I'm doing it so it's me. But is this really who I am? It kinda feels like it.

I look back on where I was 5 years ago. I had fewer tattoos and piercings. I was in a different job where I was still learning the wonderful world of insurance. I was always with my friends from college (who seriously, I love. Cannot stress that enough. Not a critique of them - critique of me for not trying to meet new people). I wasn't married. I weight about 40 pounds more.

This new me isn't a bad person to be. I guess I just need to reconcile the fact that I'm vastly different than I have been in the past, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I guess I'm feeling like the new me.

What is going on in these bathrooms?!

Every time I think things can't get more ridiculous in America, I am proven wrong. Can I even be surprised about it at this point? The Cheeto in Chief tweeted a policy change. Like, I'm sorry - you can't even be bothered to actually write something down? I know 140 characters is about all he is capable of processing at one time, but really? Someone needs to show this man Schoolhouse Rock.

The ban on transgender members of the military is a disgrace. It is going to take the US a long time to gain back any respect from the rest of the world.

On the heels of this comes the settlement of the Pine Richland lawsuit. Three students sued PR to challenge their restroom policy that forced them to use the bathroom of the gender they were born rather than the gender they identify as. The school settled not because it was the right thing to do (which it is). It probably settled because the legal battle was getting too expensive.

The flimsy argument I have heard from small-minded people is that they want to protect little girls in bathrooms. I mostly hear that from men (shocking!). As someone who has been a little girl in a bathroom (and an adult woman in a bathroom), what do people think goes on in there? This isn't the locker room scene from Carrie where women are running around half-naked whipping towels at each other. It's mostly us standing in line bitching about how long everyone in front of us is taking and then deciding that we should take as much time as we want because we waited so long.

I'm not sure what weird bogeyman people have conjured up in their heads, but are you really going to say you would be able to tell from every person you see if they are in the "correct" bathroom or not? I think these people would be more panicked to see Buck Angel in the bathroom (link is to his Wikipedia page - don't worry!). Or Kelly Lauren.

There are so many reasons why these arguments are wrong. People more educated in this than I am can tell you why. I just wonder what kind of crazy bathroom fun I am missing...