I haven't blogged in a while. I don't think I've really been feeling like myself.
Since I got back to work, I've sort of had almost a set routine. Caleb goes to Magic on Mondays, so I have the place to myself to eat Trader Joe-O's, drink wine, and watch random shows. Tuesdays we normally get adult things done. Wednesdays are with Amy and Andrew. Thursdays we go out a lot. On Fridays Caleb goes to Magic, and I again have the place to myself. Saturday morning is Farmer's Market then making food. Sunday is Game of Thrones!
It's all been different recently.
Caleb's been away for work for 2.5 weeks. Instead of meeting up with the people I usually hang out with, I've been to happy hours and parties with new people. Work has been crazy busy and is going to get busier. I don't feel like a total outsider there. I'm running on my lunch break.
It has been a complete and total change from my usual routine. I'm not sure if I haven't been feeling like myself or if this is who I am now.
I've felt almost outside myself at work since I started. Just recently have I started saying "we" when I talk about procedures or something like that. I was always saying "they." It's not like I'm with TJS anymore. I hadn't been there for a long time (and honestly, hadn't felt connected there in a long time). I spent the first few months waiting to be fired. Anytime something would go wrong, I assumed I'd be fired in the next day or so. I think I've finally calmed down after 5 months. It's weird feeling like part of a team again. Also, it's nice to have people say they value my opinion.
I love my friends, but meeting new people has been super fun. I went to a party where I didn't know anyone except whose house it was. I was super nervous because it was so far outside my comfort zone, but I had a great time! I met cool people that I don't think I would have met otherwise.
Running at lunch - seriously?! There was a point in my life where I said I wouldn't run unless something was chasing me. Honestly, probably not even then. Now I'm running around the island at lunch listening to podcasts. And I'm doing this on my own... of my own free will.
Is this who I am now - someone who runs and goes places where she doesn't know most people and actually fits in somewhat at a job? I'm not sure yet. I mean, I'm doing it so it's me. But is this really who I am? It kinda feels like it.
I look back on where I was 5 years ago. I had fewer tattoos and piercings. I was in a different job where I was still learning the wonderful world of insurance. I was always with my friends from college (who seriously, I love. Cannot stress that enough. Not a critique of them - critique of me for not trying to meet new people). I wasn't married. I weight about 40 pounds more.
This new me isn't a bad person to be. I guess I just need to reconcile the fact that I'm vastly different than I have been in the past, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I guess I'm feeling like the new me.
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