Why I Dress The Way I Do

At my book club on Sunday, I ended up telling a story about when I was in middle school. I had this pair of pants that I absolutely loved. They were from Limited Too, and they were black velvet with blue, pink, and green embroidered flowers. The bottoms were slightly bell bottom. I loved those pants. The last time I wore them was during Spirit Week. The girl whose locker was next to mine (whose name I remember but I'm a fucking lady so I won't mention it) looked at them and said "I thought tacky clothing day was tomorrow!" And our friends laughed.  I was so incredibly embarrassed. Like being in middle isn't hard enough my friends are making fun of my clothes?!

I never wore those pants again.

I loved those pants.

I really let what people thought about my clothes affect me for a while.

I'm not sure exactly when I went off the rails with my clothing. It was a slow descent into the madness I call a wardrobe.

I think it probably started when we would go to the Waterfront to go shopping, and we would all try on the most random things we could find at Express. We would go in looking for jeans and t-shirts and try on jumpsuits. You try on enough weird stuff, and you eventually find something you like!

During my funemployment, a bunch of us went out all you can drink mimosa drunk (shout out to the Yard). American Apparel was closing, so there was a ton of stuff on clearance. Approximately all the mimosas in, I decided that I needed three crop tops (red, blue, and black). They were closing, so no returns! I also got some deep v bodysuits because mimosas.

I didn't have to dress like a "real" adult while I was funemployed. Caleb was on trips, I was going to visit Jon in NYC, and being left to my own devices turns out to involve not a lot of shirt and a whole lot of lipstick.

We had a casual week at work a few weeks ago. (Casual is different than jeans today because you can basically wear whatever. During the summer, I wear shorts. It's amazing.) On the Wednesday of that week, I wore children's pink leggings with rainbows on them and my silver Docs (on Wednesday, we wear pink). I got home, looked in the mirror, and was like "I literally went to an office like this." But - why not?

Ever since my dad died, I realized that there really isn't time to care about stupid shit. Life can change in a moment, and I want to do all I can to do the most I can. I like flashy stuff. I think animal print and metallic are neutrals. I might own more crop tops than t-shirts. I shop in the children's section of Target sometimes. It's what I want to do, and I'm going to keep dressing how I want as long as I can.

I really loved those pants.