Losing My Religion

In honor of Zombie Jesus Day, I thought it was time to tell the story of how I left religion. The Catholic Church is where I made my official exit, but it was really the whole genre.

Remember Weekly Reader? It was a newsletter for kids that went over the big new stories in an age appropriate way. I grew up pre-Internet, so this is how kids found out what was going on in the world. Anyway, there was a religious version. It was set up the same way but was about Jesus and the Pope and whatever. As an adult, I'm not sure how they had content all the time, but kids are dumb with short attention spans.

I was in a CCD class (which apparently stands for Confraternity of Christian Doctrine... hm) one Tuesday. The room had wood paneling and was technically in the basement of the church. We were going over this newsletter. The was something about the Pope that was the main article. On one of the pages towards the back, there was this one paragraph blurb. There was a rainbow. It said something about how gay people were bad. I can't remember the exact text now, but the message was clear. I think it may have had to do with gay people stealing the rainbow as a symbol.

I asked the teacher about it. I don't think she expected anyone to really question it. We were kids. She told me that gay people were against the Bible and therefore bad. I tried asking more, but she moved on. That was the moment. It was like a lightbulb.

How could I believe in something that someone couldn't explain? How could I hate people based on something they couldn't control?

I went to church for a long time after that because I was a kind and didn't have a choice. As soon as I had a choice, I stopped. I hadn't paid attention or prayed in years, why keep going?

I had one moment of doubt about it. After the 2006 shooting at Duquesne. A lot of religious people have moments of doubt - why would an atheist be different? I went to a mass bit didn't feel anything. I was even more secure in how I felt.

I didn't even turn to religion after my father died. People asked me about it. Comments about him being in a better place. Shouldn't I find faith? People asked me if I hoped for an afterlife so we could be reunited. Honestly, sometimes I wish I did. I wish I thought there was some happy place where everyone I know and love could be together forever. But I don't.

Life is all about small moments. The moment I saw that blurb, I was done with religion. I don't think whoever wrote it could imagine they would have changed someone's life in that way. But they did. I didn't know any gay people at the time (I mean, I probably did but I didn't know it). I didn't have any personal reason to care. It was the first moment I realized that things matter even if I'm not directly affected. That I have the responsibility as a human being to fight for people. So I lost religion. I didn't lose humanity. Being kind and doing good works is what life is about. Whether you are doing it for religion, for your own piece of mind, or for attention, it's what matters. We should all be able to agree on that.