Frogs in Boiling Water

One of the nice things about looking for a new job while unemployed is that you can think about what you want in a new workplace. It can be location, industry, technology use - anything you want. I think the most important thing for me this time around is going to be to try to find somewhere way less sexist.

The first two companies I worked for weren't bad. The first company had male and female sales reps. They had both genders working in customer support, tech support, and in management levels. I was on a specialized tech support team, and I don't feel like I was treated differently. For all their sins, I can't recall any times where I thought "Gee, this is because I'm a woman." I did a short stint at another company (just a few months) that was in an all female department. It seems like it just worked out that way - I didn't feel differently there either. When I left, I didn't realize I was about to become the frog.

I started as the administrative assistant. Being at the front desk was the first step is being desensitized - I was the person who anyone could go to with busy work or something else that needed done. This included things like typing up letters, binding presentations, or reformatting spreadsheets. These were things that it seemed like anyone could easily do and it sometimes took longer to explain than it took me to complete the work. I thought it was about the desk and not the gender. Wrong.

The water started getting hotter when I moved over to the Customer Service department. All the salesmen are men, and the CSRs are women. The men could basically come and go as they please, and no one would ever say anything. Now yes, there are differences between sales and support in that support isn't your revenue generating part of the company. But this went far beyond that.

There is a salesmen who will want CSRs to type things up for him, but he insists on dictating it at your desk. He will hover over you while you type every word he is saying. He knows how to use a computer and successfully types. For some reason, when it comes to a letter, he can't do it. It really isn't the typing of the letter that is the worst - it is the standing over you while you do it so he can make sure you are typing it correctly. Is that really necessary?

I was on the Entertainment Committee for a while. Three of us planned the company picnic for the summer. The three ladies arrived an hour or two before the party started to get everything set up, make sure drinks were around, and work with the staff. We were at the picnic for several hours when we all decided to leave. One of the sales guys looked at us and said "Hey - you can't leave without cleaning all this up!" Ah yes, taking down some streamers is definitely below you.

There was a Friday my friend and I decided to leave a few minutes early. We left at 3:56pm. At the stop light on McArdle, I had a new email. It was from the owner with a CC to "HR" and the manager. All it said was "4:00" in the subject line. The email was sent at 3:58. We were both on salary, pretty much no one was in the office (almost all the men had left long ago), and we both routinely checked our work email on weekends and after hours. Two women (Millennial women at that!) leave 4 minutes early on a Friday, and we need to call in the troops!

One of the women was on a conference call with a client, the carrier, and the salesman. She kept trying to say something and was shushed by the salesman . When the phone call ended, he started to tell her that she shouldn't talk while on phone calls. It turned out that the salesman was saying something incorrect, and she had to do another call to clear everything up.

I spent so much time in this environment that I didn't realize what was wrong. I watched the sexism in the office escalate. I adjusted to every level. Even typing it now, part of me wants to say I was reading too much into things. Then I think about it. I talk to people I worked with. I don't think any of the salesmen would be happy if someone treated their daughters the way they treated us. The water had been boiling for a while, and I was still sitting there. The only thing that got me out of the water was my position being eliminated.

The insidious thing about this sexism is that I believe most of them don't think they were doing anything wrong. It is so ingrained in their minds that this is the way to treat women that what I am saying probably sounds insane. If any of them were to ever read this, they would probably say I'm a whiny Millennial who couldn't take criticism and didn't want to work hard. There wouldn't be any way to convince them.

While I am interviewing now, I try to figure out what the culture is like. There's no easy way to say "Hey, are there a bunch of sexist jerks running this place?" The best ways I can come up with are to look at who is interviewing me, who can make the final decision on hiring, are there women in position of power, and trying to look up on websites like InHerSight. If anyone has any other suggestions, let me know. I'd like to stay out of boiling water from now on.